Kindness is the Secret Sauce

Every once in a blue moon Hollywood gets it right.

The big winner at this year’s Oscars is Everything Everywhere All at Once, winning 7 Oscars including best picture, best directing, and 3 of 4 acting categories.

Only one problem though; the movie is virtually impossible to understand. There are rumors afloat that the screenwriters may have been on an acid trip, but I find that hard to believe.

To say that the movie is somewhat disjointed is an understatement. Before you realize what is happening, you witness, at break neck speed, such absurdities as: IRS auditor awards shaped like butt plugs, weaponized rubber dildos, jiggling fingers shaped like hot dogs, and a black hole that is disguised as an everything bagel.

With the help of film critic Marya E. Gates, I was able to make better sense of the movie, which, as it turns out, really does deserve all the accolades it received.

I won’t give too much away, but believe me, the more I give you, the better chance you’ll have to understand what the hell is going on.

We begin with Evelyn, the owner of a laundromat who is facing hard times, and who is subject to an IRS audit. Evelyn is somewhat alienated from her lesbian daughter Joy, and from her highly critical father Gong Gong. Her marriage to Waymond is on the rocks as well, and he is contemplating divorce.

To put it mildly, Evelyn, an immigrant to the U.S., has failed to realize the American Dream, and finds herself in the midst of a nightmare instead.

During the IRS audit, a hellish experience in its own right, Evelyn is made aware, by a different version of her husband Waymond, who comes from another universe, that there are many universes, what he calls the multiverse. Each universe has its own character and personality based on the choices made and not made. In addition, Evelyn learns that under the right circumstances, she is able to jump from one universe to another.

Waymond tells Evelyn that she had been chosen to save the multiverse from the omniverse agent of chaos called Jobu Tupaki, who is out to destroy everything and everywhere, all at once.

Are you starting to get somewhat confused? Well join the club.

Now we get to the heart of the matter. It seems that Joy, Evelyn’s daughter, is the lynchpin, if the multiverse is to be saved. Joy has had to bear the burden of Evelyn’s fractured relationship with her grandfather. She has carried the burden of her sexual orientation, which is foreign to her mother. She has witnessed the deterioration of her parents’ marriage. Her aimlessness is a disappointment to Evelyn because she worked so hard to give her daughter a better life.

In short, Joy comes to represent the sense of emptiness that has overtaken the world. A black hole, disguised as an everything bagel, is poised and ready to suck everyone into the void.

As Marya E. Gates sees it, the movie teaches us an invaluable lesson. Generational trauma leads to a void, an emptiness which can only be remedied by unconditional love. If we are to bring a semblance of order to the universe, we are to choose compassion and understanding over judgment and rejection.

In her own words, Marya says, “Chaos reigns and life may only ever make sense in fleeting moments, but it’s those moments we should cherish. Moments of love and camaraderie. Sometimes they happen over time. Sometimes they happen all at once.”

As Evelyn reconciles with her daughter, with empathy and compassion, she restores a sense of order and balance to the entire universe, and beyond.

At times, and we are facing such times as we speak, the chaos in this world is overwhelming. It’s not that everything is bad. To be honest, there’s still a blessing to behold at every turn. But enough is going wrong so as to create one hellacious mess. Personally, our lives may be going quite well, thank you very much. But lurking somewhere in the back of our minds is the nagging sensation that things can easily fall apart. A few minor miscalculations here and there and we’re toast.

The movie suggests that a sense of kindness could be the key to righting the universe, and restoring a sense of order. I think that’s right. Kindness, or the act of putting someone else’s welfare ahead of yours, is probably the answer to much of what ails us.

If we take a kinder approach to the natural order of things, could we restore the environment for the benefit of all living things?

If we take a kinder, more empathetic approach to the global economy, could we help bridge the divide between the haves and the have-nots, so as to give everyone on earth a place at the table, a stake in his or her future, a reason to keep the peace?

If we take a kinder, more compassion approach to our kids and our spouses, could we bring greater joy to our families, and allow them to realize their greatest potential?

If greed, selfishness and blind ambition have gotten us into the mess we’re in, doesn’t it make sense that kindness, empathy and unconditional love are the only way out?

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