Fire

The fire in my brain, the fire in my heart, the fire in my belly, and the fire I am kindling to put cooked food into my stomach. I wonder what’s the difference between these or if there’s any at all. The fire I am kindling, it’s easier to light this fire when there’s already a fire present. Fire is always a friend to the fire, they get along instantly. But if there’s no such constant fire source, you go about it this way-
You take dry wood, lots of small chips/twigs which catch fire easily, and lots of dry leaves. Dry leaves catch fire easily. You light a match or two or ten, then you have some stable amount of heat. The bigger wood starts heating up with the fire from the smaller bits. Then you start getting embers. This is a done job. Once you have the embers, you keep putting wind into it, lots of breath into it, and voila! You have a nice little fire.
Sometimes you have no dry wood or leaves and you gotta make do with partially dried ones. This is when you try to make use of whatever is around you. You check to see what can be burnt. This is where it gets interesting. Because during this observation you are also checking what you could do without and thereby fulfill a more pressing need. So you take papers out of your book or chip the dry parts of the wood, find half-dried leaves. Put it all together and light it. Pray to god you find the strength to keep igniting this fire and keep going. You can sometimes use other tricks. Like, use a candle. Sometimes you use kerosene because you really need the support of something that burns in an instant. Cuz you are lacking the strength of patience. So that you can burn with it, try to sustain yourself as a partially dried wood. Let yourself dry and rage.
Another thing is you always give space. Fire cannot rage in its glory if it doesn’t have the space to breathe. Give it space so the air can pass through so that its elemental friend can support it through. Sometimes this can make you dizzy. When you keep putting your breath into it constantly, coaxing the fire to come out of the wood, blowing into the embers, tryna keep it alive with little wood left to burn, you might get dizzy. You feel disoriented. That’s when you gotta stop. Stop & take a breath of fresh air. Drink some water and sit down. Take long breaths and catch yourself. You do this because at this point you are more important than the fire. The pressing need is your well-being. So you rest and go back at it with new energy or you find other ways to fulfill this need for fire. But whatever you do, remember to give space to the fire you want to see growing. Once you put all the wood in place and light the fire, stop trying to push the wood around or constantly fiddle with it. Leave it be and let it take its own course. It does. Always. You just gotta let it be and trust in it to do the shit that it does — catch fire. Trust that it knows and has all it needs to live and to rage. Belief and trust are important aspects of fire. If you keep fucking with it, the fire, it will burn but not as you had imagined, it’ll grow according to your half-assed knowledge of it. Unsatisfactory. So let it be and let it grow, take its own course, and realize its full potential. When it does grow, sit back. Don’t get too close but be close enough to feel the warmth, to get dry, and to put that warm food in your belly.

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