A New Kind of Home for Christmas

So many people struggle with anxiety and nostalgic stresses this time of year. I am typically no exception to this.

For the past 2 decades, Christmas has been challenging for me, with worry of money, the stress of gifting, and the hustling to make Christmas “special”.

Over the past 10 years, Christmas stress and worry began for me, around the beginning of December. I would make lists of what to buy for people fret over baking traditional cookies and treats, finding time to spend with people, working, and feeling a dark, looming cloud. I would try to figure out when to see my daughter, knowing it would NEVER be Christmas Day, as she always spent it with her father and his family. She never wanted to be around my partner. She couldn’t stand him. But, she would make compromises to make her way to our house, and I would feel the impending hell of trying to make an uncomfortable Christmas time, less cumbersome for everyone. It was A LOT.

My previous partner was not a “Christmas” person, and he made that very clear every year. He was never one to buy gifts for me, and shamed me for spending money on him. He reminded me yearly that his parents divorced around Christmas, making him have some sort of resentment toward the holiday season. I struggled to “try” and carry on my own traditions, and to make our Christmases nice. Sometimes we went away on tropical vacations, missing the warmth of family and the season. He would tell me that the trip was his “gift’ to me, even when I would have rather been with my daughter. It was nothing less than frustrating.

There were many years that Christmas morning was all about watching him open gifts from me. There were many Christmas Eves of arguing and bickering because he couldn’t find it in himself to even “try” to think of me. It made me feel like a Grinch to wake on Christmas morning to NOTHING under the tree for me. It was a mix of happiness to give, and sadness that he could never think of me enough to wrap even a small trinket to open beside him Christmas morning. He was the same for most celebrations. he just wasn’t a “giver’, and even as a ‘taker” he made me feel shame. I couldn’t win with him. He made me want gifts, and he deflated my joy of giving.

Related posts:

A common consensus amongst industry leaders is that there is a data professionals drought. The term ‘data professional’ covers three roles that operate in what constitutes the data life cycle: Data…

Michael was the owner and COO of OmniVirt, a VR advertising startup, acquired by Facebook (2020). Before that, Michael was the head of content at YouTube and now is working with Madison Square…

We arrived back to the mainland and got a bus back to the city. After we checked in to our hotel we ventured out to experience the food, the people, the buzzing, honking, the good smells/bad smells…